'What's that then ... the study of crystals?' said my husband to me on the phone during a break between lecturers and I laughed. But as I laughed I must admit I wondered if I also heard God laughing, not in a mocking way, God wouldn't have that in his nature but in a kind of ... what are they all doing?...kind of a way. We had teaching on all these concepts and heresies and practices and thinking of the early churches and early church fathers and I couldn't help but wonder why we do it? I know we are being taught all the time that we will never understand or fathom God - I'm comfortable with that, but we still all feel under a lot of pressure sometimes to learn a lot of jargon.
In Feb I will sit an exam on 'The person of Christ' and it all just feels a bit weird. I feel very out of my depth and that there is such a lot that I don't know - but then on the other hand I keep thinking how weird all this theorising would sound to a lot of Christians who are actually out there on the streets of foreign cities, feeding the hungry and counseling the broken. In the middle of one of my lectures today I just wanted to run home and to church where I encounter the living God...I just didn't want to be in that classroom learning about Athanasius, Ignatius, Chalcedon...Nicea isn't so bad - I think I know things about that...but wow - I need to read soooo many books and when you're thinking of cutting down on the other pasts of your life which are about people, community and sharing bible stories with youth, under 5s etc so that you can read more books about Iraneus or whatever he's called, something's not quite right is it?
Ah theological college student having slight inferiority 'I'm not clever enough' for all this' complex crisis! Get me out of here! No, I want to stay, really, it will get better - yiex - talking to myself now - sign of madness?! HEEELLLPPPPP!