Yes! And I mean in the gut-wrenching kind of way. God becomes 'strange'. God, at times, becomes 'other' and I know he is 'other' and strange', but it's also an intimate thing we have going on, if you know what i mean and I know it can't be like that all the time. Only, once you've tasted it, you crave more.
So I'm feeling it, baby, you know, that whole eschatological tension thing and okay, by my language, you can tell i am trying to make light of it but I miss the charisma, I miss the waiting, I miss the manifest presence of the Holy Spirit. I can not find God at the moment in the wordiness, in the stage sets, in the nervous performance. However, i trust the line will clear, the fuzziness is all at my end, I'm working on it. I nodded off for ten minutes today, after college and before making the tea, before my youngest came in to say 'I'm hungry, mummy', and I thought, wow, I'm hungry too, hungry for God. And so God blessed me and I met with him in that ten minutes, in a dream where I was worshipping him freely, my hands up in the air, in self-abandon. And I should probably be posting this at Angelutterances where I deal with this kind of thing but I just seek a little assurance - is this normal, is it just all a part of the training, the formation?
Ouch, it hurts.