12 week learning curve

Ten more things I have recently learnt, in no particular order and not deeply or theologically thought-through. 

• Do not offer to shake the hand, on first meeting, of a person who is ringing the church bell - duh!
• Expect waves of emotion at funeral visits - keep swallowing hard. 
• Take a bottle of water with you where ever you go - the caffeine highs mess with your emotions.
• If you forget to say 'this is the offertory hymn,'and the service is nearly over, think on your feet and quickly, you'll come up with something. 
• Get used to being stared at - just smile and say Good morning, what ever the time of day. 
• If in doubt, don't, smile instead and continue like you meant it all to flow that way from the beginning. 
• Be prepared to have your hand shaken, be kissed on the lips, scrumpled on the head or squeezed, if you really aren't in the mood for any of the above, a few preliminary sneezes or coughs into a handkerchief seem to be the way forward. 
• Carry Ruth Burgess, David Adams or Richard Pritchard around in your handbag - buy a bigger handbag.
• Synch your google diary with the ministry team, program your phone to send you reminders and use satnav app - this means you just need to concentrate on being there rather than getting there. 
• If they might not think you are a real vicar or you are a little uncertain, wear the black clergy shirt, throw a nice scarf around it and you're fit for any occasion.